Thoughts about Growth

I sent a text to a friend yesterday and asked ‘What the heck is wrong with me? I cannot stop. I’m currently enrolled in 4 courses!‘ I have 3-4 books on the go at all times. I sign up for every free webinar that comes into my inbox. I put my name down for any free professional learning opportunities at work, even if they are not directly related to my role. I spend hours scrolling through Twitter and reading articles that educators share. I sign up for courses that I think will make me a better coach. I’m in my 28th year as an educator, my 5th year as a tech coach, yet it seems that I still don’t believe in myself enough to trust that I know what I’m doing. My question: Is this healthy professional growth?

I’m in my second year of intense psychotherapy and becoming increasingly aware of how I view myself. It ain’t pretty, but it’s important work. Discovering how events from my childhood still affect me on a daily basis has exposed an enormous chasm. It’s going to take a long time to repair, rebuild, and retake control, but I’m finally on the right path. I can see how thoughts of not being enough, not being worthy, and just generally not accepting myself have amplified my incessant need for continuous growth, particularly at work. I know that on some level, filling my time with these courses is also a strategy to avoid thinking about other things. Work has always been a place where I’ve felt good about what I’m doing and felt proud of all I’ve accomplished. Degrees, certificates, badges, ‘certified’ this, that, and the other. Will it ever be enough? Will I ever be enough?

Yesterday, I finished Christian van Nieuwerburgh’s book, An Introduction to Coaching Skills. A great immersive experience that includes the book, accompanying videos, and journal prompts. More like a course than a book. Not 10 minutes after finishing, I started another book and another course. High-Impact Instruction by Jim Knight and his accompanying course, High-Impact Teaching Strategies (HITS). Is it crazy that I didn’t even wait a day to dive into the next thing?! In my defense, I’m on April break so have extra time for ‘studying’.

So, I started the course, in tandem with reading the book. I started reading Chapter 1 (Personal Bests) and it was like answers to my questions are just flowing out of the book. Things come to you at the time you need them, right? On page 2, I read the words “I just want to get better” and I understood. This is me. Jim Knight then went on to talk about self-development theory and how “we are all wired to strive for personal bests”. I kept nodding and shouting ‘YES’ in my head. And then, on page 3, this:

“When teachers strive to be the best they can be, they have a more positive impact on the lives of children, and their actions encourage their students to start their own journey – to strive for their own personal bests.”

This really resonated with me and I realised that this is what I have believed my entire career. It confirmed what I already knew – that growth, professional and personal, is important to me. It’s what I’m about. It’s what I’m about with students and teachers. Maybe it’s even why I became a coach in the first place! 

There is nothing wrong with me continually wanting to learn and be better.  While I may have things in my past that cause me to doubt my abilities and prevent me from accepting the status quo, it’s also a GOOD thing that I’m striving to be better. To be the best version of me I can be. I just want to BE better.

I want to be the best coach, and human, I can be.

When you know better, you do better. (Maya Angelou)

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

#Learning #JimKnight #2022 #growth #ChristianvanNieuwerburgh #HITS